Step 1: Procure Goods

So here's some shiz you'll need:

• Chicken – thin sliced
• Pickles
• Peanut Oil
• 1 cup of Flour
• Tbsp of Confectioner's Sugar
• Tsp of Paprika
• 1 Egg
• 1/2 cup of Milk
• Salt
• Pepper
• Hamburger buns

Step 2: Make sure the pickles are Claussen

Seriously, they're just better pickles. They're super crisp and awesome, much like this website. You're going to marinate your chicken in the pickle juice, and you'll need at least a half a jar of pickle juice, maybe more.

So, let's hope you really like pickles, because you're gonna have some leftover from this project. And you don't want them just sitting around in a jar with no pickle juice. They get weird after that. Weird and limp, like a psychotic, neo-con, religious nut who wants to impose his archaic thoughts about human relationships on others. Right. So then...

Step 3: Prep the Chicken

No, that's not a metaphor. So if you buy regular, skinless chicken breasts, you'll need to beat the chicken with a hammer (again, not a metaphor). That will flatten it and make it more manageable and better for sandwiches. Plus you can work out some of your rage at pointless inequality and fast food company presidents opining on social issues when we would all just rather they STFU.

Another option is to slice the chicken breasts in half horizontally. That works well.

Or if you're lazy like us, you can just look for the thin-sliced, skinless chicken breasts in the grocery store. It's a lot easier, and basically ready to go right out of the package.

Step 4: Marinate the Chicken

Okay so obviously you want to place the chicken in a container and add in the pickle juice. Typcially at this point we add in some extra salt, both for flavor, and for the the whole brining experience. Cover the container with tinfoil and set it in the refrigerator. It needs to marinate for at least an hour, so now is a good time to Share Your Story while you wait for this marination process to occur.

However, it is more advisable to marinate the chicken over night if you can manage your hunger for delicious hate-free chicken long enough. The chicken will turn kind of white and absorb all the pickle-y awesomeness.

Step 5: Prep the Station

In this step you will need to take two bowls and make two different mixtures. The first will be your egg and milk. Whisk them together.

The second bowl needs to have your flour, sugar, paprika, and whatever salt & pepper & whatnot.

At this point in the recipe, some people like to add hatred. Don't do it. No one likes a hater.

Step 6: Coat the Chicken

So then pour out the pickle juice and do the following:

1. Dip the chicken in the egg/milk mix.
2. Dip the chicken in the flour mix.
3. Repeat as necessary.

Be sure to really coat each piece. It takes a little pattience, but pat the flour on each piece really well. It's going to be messy. And remember to be careful with raw chicken, as it carries Salmonella which could make you sick if ingested. However, take note that the chicken does not inherently contain any hate. Chickens are generally pretty accepting of the world in which they live, and tend not to judge others too harshly and cast proverbial stones like a bunch of raging hypocrites.

Step 7: Heat the Oil

Put the peanut oil on medium heat and let it get nice and hot first. Drop a bit of your batter mix into the oil to test it. It should start frying moderately. When this occurs, you're ready to drop in your delicious chicken.

Use tongs and be careful not to splash any oil on yourself, as this generally hurts a good deal, much like casting aspersions on someone for their lifestyle choice.

Step 8: Cook the Chicken

So you're looking for that golden brown color to come in. There will be a lot of bubbling, but don't worry – it won't be the bubbling of moronic hate speech spewing mindlessly from you, it will be delicious chicken!

It will probably take seven or eight minutes for the first side to cook. Flip that bad boy and cook the other side until it's gold as well, probably about five minutes.

Step 9: Pull out the Chicken

Once you've achieved golden fried awesomeness you need to pull the chicken out of the oil, lest it burn up to a worthless chunk of disgusting meat like a Bible-crazed bigot. We suggest laying a few paper towels on a plate and placing your cooked chicken on it to absorb some of the excess oil.

Most likely you will need to do batches unless you have a giant pan or a small amount of chicken. (Thank you, Captain Obvi).

Step 10: Toast the Buns

Awwww, yeah. Toast those BUNS! First, butter them up really well, like a Republican politician jumping on the opportunity to butter up Christian conservatives with anti-gay hate speech support.

Apply the butter to the inside of the bun and toast them in a pan over medium heat. Be sure to keep an eye on them – they toast pretty quickly.

Step 11: Prepare the Sandwiches

This is the fun part. So you have all your components:

• Delicious, Hate-Free Chicken? Check.
• Delicious golden buns? Check.
• Toasted hamburger buns? Check.
• Pickles?

Aw, crap! We forgot the pickles!

Step 12: Don't Forget The Pickles

So yeah. This. If you don't have sandwich-style sliced pickles, just slice some yourself. We like to angle them diagonally, because sometimes straight is not the path for you, and we respect that. In fact, we welcome diversity. It's what makes the world interesting and diverse.

Step 13: Enjoy your Hate-Free Chicken Sandwich

Hot damn, that's some good chicken. True: it's a bit more effort than going to fast-food place. BUT! You can do this on a Sunday, which as everyone knows is the best time to enjoy a chicken sandwich. Duh.

Now doesn't that taste better than giving your money to a company that hides behind the guise of religion and "the family" to spread hate speech? We certainly think so, and we hope you do, too.

Step 14: Share Your Story

Send us some pics of your food.

And/or also as well too tambien, use Instagram to take a pic of your wonderful new culinary creation and tag that bitch with #chikfilgay. Yummo!